Thanks Doc!

Dear Doc:

We did it! Thanks to you, I've had an awesome 2 month vacation filled with carrots and apples, baths, and TLC. The payment we discussed will be wired into your Swiss bank account on Monday. I sure hope The Owner doesn't miss her checkbook. The bogus X-rays were a stroke of genius, and she fell for it completely! Best of all, while I enjoyed my vacation, I did not have to put up with soaking, wrapping, or that other crap that the humans would have been doing to me if they thought it was something like an abscess. You got them to just leave me alone -- you rock! I've given your name to several show ponies in Wellington who are in need of your special brand of expertise.

Since we pulled that one off, I was hoping that you could (for additional payment of course) issue a medical advisory to The Owner telling her that I still must have certain restrictions for my health and welfare. What I have in mind is something telling her that under no circumstances should I actually be asked to do any "work", which would include basically anything that she wants to do that I wouldn't, or anything that would cause me to break a sweat. If you can work in there that I shouldn't be asked to carry anyone on my back -- or even have to deal with a saddle -- that would be a bonus. While we're at it, please tell The Owner that the best thing for me is to have unlimited carrots and apples, grass, alfalfa hay and grain, as much as I can eat. Tell her not to worry about colic -- that I'm immune. Also, tell her that I'd benefit from a third fan. When The Owner gives me baths, tell her that she should not wet my face, and I prefer the luke-warm water to cold water. I also like the shampoo that smells like flowers as opposed to the one that smells like fly repellent. Oh yeah, and tell her that she should throw that fly mask thingy away, it is bad for my health. (I hate looking at the world through mesh.) I'll tolerate fly spray but tell her she has to limit that crap to once every 3 days. Tell her that despite the baths, it is good for me to get as dirty as possible even in my stall, and that the brown stains all over my white body that I manage to create each day are healthy and beneficial. Tell her that each time she comes to visit, she must bring me treats and she is required to give me a little something each and every time she walks by my stall. I've tried to tell her this with my nickering and begging (you know, that trick I do with my leg up like a flamingo) but at times she ignores me. I even saw her once give another horse one of MY APPLES! (The nerve!)

Doc, if you can pull it off, it would be great if you could tell The Owner that all of these restrictions must stay in place through my pregnancy and beyond, perhaps into the year 2023. By then, we can come up with something else like arthritis. Oh yeah, and please include that the very best thing for me is unlimited carrots, apples, grass, alfalfa and grain -- did I mention that already?

Very truly yours,
Third Time's a Charm


-AB