Sunday, January 5, 2014

Third Trimester Revelations

Third Trimester Revelations

As anticipated, the holiday season was busy and festive. Thanks to everyone who sent chocolate and other goodies to my office. Which leads to a question: why isn't there a Chocoholics Anonymous? (Don't tell me if there actually is one, because I'm not going anyway.)

In the short time since my last blog update, there have been a number of revelations which coincide with the start of Charm's third trimester. They are random and mostly unrelated, so here goes:

1. Charm is not a good neighbor. We learned this when she meandered up to Captain's stall at dinner time (okay, she was loose grazing, which I guess is my fault but I was watching her, just couldn't react quickly enough). Captain did not want to share his grain, and he promptly bit Charm in the face. He caught her on the bone above her left eye, and opened up a pretty deep gash. This was the day of the barn holiday party, and Dr. Caputo was out holiday shopping. We called Palm Beach Equine, and who should be on call but Charm's fertility vet, Dr. Bob Smith. Dr. Smith drove down from Loxahatchee and did a top-notch stitching job.

2. Dr. Bob Smith's daughter, Jennifer, is a 3L at UF Law School who actually has experience in probate litigation. I wouldn't have known this if Charm had not tried to snatch Captain's dinner. We will stay in touch with Jennifer as she finishes school and takes the Bar Exam. If any of my Florida lawyer-colleagues is looking for talent, you will want to meet Jennifer.

3. My uterus was 30% smaller than an average uterus, despite the fact that I carried Jordan to full term and he was born at 7 pounds 10 ounces.

4. I say "was" because said smallish uterus and I parted ways surgically on December 23. I feel entitled to a Guinness record because I rode Charm exactly 5 days after surgery. The revelation here is that robotic arthroscopic surgery is MUCH easier to recover from than traditional surgery. Thanks Dr. Andrea Bayer!

5. Yoshi and I had some personality profile analyses done for everyone in our office. I was told that I should NEVER work for anyone else. Thanks, Einstein. It would have been helpful to have that little tip 20 years ago. Continued apologies for all those who attempted to supervise me over the years -- you know who you are.

6. Charm, who is usually lazy and happy to be part of the herd, can run like a bat out of hell back to the barn at suppertime when she thinks she can get away with it. So ends Charm's career as a p/t trail hack.
Meet, "Esther Uterus"

7. My knee, which I twisted slipping and falling in the shower in December, strangely hurts worst in my sleep -- unless I sleep on my back with my legs propped up. So, Andrew finally gets that adjustable bed. (Tom Cunningham, a neighbor, calls it the "Medicare Part D Bed").

8. On the website www.iheartguts.com, one can actually purchase a plush toy uterus, or pretty much any organ. Check it out. Picture of Esther Uterus (thanks Rona and Bob) is attached.


9. The movie version of Wolf of Wall Street was not as interesting as the book. I actually worked on the legal team for brokerage Stratton Oakmont when I was an associate at Squadron Ellenoff in NY. Interesting times. The movie was entertaining but there was a lot of artistic license. My biggest issue with the movie was that while Leonardo DiCaprio is a great actor, his portrayal of Jordan Belfort lacked the Jewish ethnicity that I think was required. He seemed more Italian than anything.

10. Totally random but I learned last night (thanks to Google) that the Guiness Record for World's tallest living horse is held by Big Jake, a Belgian from Michigan, who stands at 20 hands 2.75 inches. That's two feet taller than Charm. He weighted 240 pounds at birth! His dam surely did not have a smallish uterus.


Two and a half months left and counting down ... stay tuned!!!

Amy B. Beller

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